-LRB- CNN -RRB- -- Stereotypes can rumble around in our collective brains for decades , sometimes centuries , before finally being edged out by a more nuanced understanding of reality . It 's been that way with our views about race , creed , sexual orientation and gender roles .

The Justice Department 's announcement this week that it has changed the definition of rape to include men is one such step on the long road to better understanding .

The last few years have seen a growing shift in the way men are perceived , under the collective weight of celebrity bad boys , stay-at-home dads , written scholarship on the supposed `` end of men , '' an epidemic of male incarceration , two decade-long wars fought mostly by men and a nascent men 's movement that is not about proclaiming male power but male capacity for depth and goodness .

We see men rejecting the stick-figure representation of manhood that gets played out in People magazine . We 've gone from `` Mad Men '' to `` Men of a Certain Age '' in no more than a couple of TV seasons .

At the front line of this transition is men 's understanding of what it means to be a victim . Historically , rape has been viewed narrowly as a crime against women . When I interviewed the first victim to come forward in the Catholic sex-abuse scandal in Boston , he legally was n't talking about rape . Nor were the countless other men we have featured on The Good Men Project who have been sexually assaulted .

Why ? Because of the belief that real men do n't get raped .

But in fact they do . What we know from working with thousands of men in our community of readers and writers is that men are often ashamed to come forward and say they were raped .

As the victim in Boston told me : `` I do n't think that people in general realize the long-term effects that it has on people . I think some people think just , OK , that happened 20-40 years ago . Buck up , things happen . Be a man . ''

For some victims of male attackers , homosexual rape adds a layer of shame and confusion to the violent trauma itself .

Then there is the misperception that men 's sex drives are so high that they `` must have liked it '' when forced to have sex with a woman or even another man . There is a completely antiquated and inaccurate assumption around male sexuality and how damaging forced sexual contact is no matter who you are .

Without acknowledgement that rape of men exists , there is less help and support for them to overcome the trauma .

The very reason for the Justice Department 's decision is to more accurately count rapes and to better allocate government resources , which up until now did not include programs to help male rape victims .

Sexual abuse often follows a tragic pattern in which a victim , if left untreated , ends up becoming an attacker . The fact that so many rapists were themselves abused does n't excuse their behavior . But as a society we have to break the silence about victims to break the cycle of abuse .

Clearly , there are still far more women who are raped than men .

But justice is no zero-sum game . Acknowledging male suffering does n't diminish the need to stop sexual violence against women . It just sheds a stereotype that no longer serves men or women . For men to be thinking hard about how to be better fathers and husbands can only benefit women , as can the acknowledgment that men are all too often victims of rape .

The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of Thomas Matlack .

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Thomas Matlack : Justice Dept. 's including men in definition of rape challenges stereotypes

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He says this reflects a growing shift in perceptions about men , in media and the social realm

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He says the priest abuse scandal has helped confront the reality of victimized males

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Matlack : Rape of men must be acknowledged for men to be given help overcoming trauma